Getting uncomfortably public about addiction, mental health, substance abuse, and other random stuff through unfiltered stream-of-consciousness writing [is that redundant?]. Subscribe here:
Introductory Remarks
Dear Zesters,
In last Friday’s post, Getting Graphic #9: Face-to-Face, I provided side-by-side google trends images for some of, imo, the classic business competitions of the last like 10-15 years or so. I compared Uber to Lyft, Bird to Lime, and then Glossier to Supergoop (maybe a semi-stretch there). I thought it was a pretty fun exercise, personally. It’s also fun that google just has that data available. I’m gonna try to start leveraging that in more impactful and relevant ways moving forward. But, onward we march!
Status Report
Steelers
Pain. So much pain. We really shot ourselves in the foot yesterday throughout the entire game and weren’t able to secure victory in Indianapolis. I do think there were flashes of hope and reasons for excitement, but overall, it was just such a sloppy game that it’s hard to be optimistic. I guess Justin Fields played pretty well in the second half, which is awesome, and so that’s a great sign for the future. But in general we just made way too many mistakes and weren’t able to pull it out. I also think that our defense just did not play nearly as well as they’ve been playing of late, and that’s unacceptable. But hopefully this type of game motivates them to improve moving forward and as a collective we can use this adversity to strengthen us and we can improve in the future. It’s just so sad whenever we don’t do well. I will say in a weird way it kind of motivates me because when the Steelers lose I just need to like drown myself in work or whatever so I turn to productive activities to kind of palliate the pain—so that’s an upside. But at the same time I’m trying to be better about allowing myself to feel discomfort and breathe into the tightness and whatever and then remain calm in the face of discomfort and then just kind of assess and move forward from there. I know this all sounds dramatic for a sports game, but how you do anything is how you do everything! :)
MBA Process
Semi-consistent with the above, I submitted several applications for business school as part of Round 1 a few weeks ago and we’re kind of coming up on that moment in time when interview invitations are starting to trickle out (well, HBS is literally today, Wharton is Oct 24th, and then GSB is trickle-out through mid-November). And so basically I’ve been working on these applications for like the past 6 months actively and more generally thinking about business school semi-actively for like 18 months and then passively for like 5-6 years or so, so there’s some real heft to the next few months as I navigate the process. I also think it’s an awesome opportunity to life reframe my general disposition and approach to these types of things, and so I have the chance to apply some new beliefs I have about myself and my position in the world and the way I interact with and relate to the world—and so that’s an exciting proposition! Like in the past I probably would have never even mentioned that I had applied because I didn’t want anyone to know if I ultimately got rejected or anything like that—and, well, not to be too ridiculous but in the past I wouldn’t have even had a platform like this because I wouldn’t have been able to stick to it and wouldn’t have wanted to be public about some of my shortcomings. But, in any case, this is a good chance to just kind of validate my new approach to certain things in life. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how, like, core beliefs are super easy to say but they’re much more difficult to stomach when you’re forced to live them out (basically, a verbose and pedantic way of saying: “talk is cheap”)—and so this is just an opportunity to live out some relatively newly developed core beliefs. And then last thing I want to say here is that I really do feel in my heart of hearts that I tried my hardest, and so I have to just kind of detach from the outcome and let the chips fall where they may. I know that I did my best and that I put the best version of myself into the process—and that’s all that I can really ask of myself. And then I’ve also been diligent about not comparing myself to others—especially when the process can feel so explicitly comparative. But I guess I’m not really the one doing the comparing. Again, I just have to focus on me and be the best me I can be, and do my best to communicate who I am and my vision for my life to the admissions committees and then go from there. So, that’s that! Still going to be sleeping with my fingers crossed though let me tell ya!
Love & Celebrations
I had the joy of attending a wedding this past weekend—and I had such an amazing time. Weddings are literally just the best things on the planet—particularly when you can really feel the love and like joy and positive vibes emanating from the couple and the wedding party and everything—it’s an amazing thing. On my own personal journey, it was also a real full circle moment because I kind of made the decision to stop drinking at another one of my friend’s past weddings (and oh man it is so fun to say: “[friend]’s wedding was my rock bottom!”) when I just really kind of bottomed out and had one of the darkest nights of my life the day before the wedding, and so then I was just like on the edge of life (semi-metaphorically) and so to kind of be in a similar environment like 21ish months later completely sober was a really good moment for me to kind of reflect again on how far I’ve come and how much more enjoyable life is without substances. Like sobriety is just such a gift, and I intend to hold onto it for dear life for the rest of my life—although even that I don’t want it to seem like I’m being like overly constrictive of sobriety (if that makes sense), because really it’s like more of a negative-additive because it allows for the purest expression of who I am by removing detritus, as opposed to adding things in my life, if that makes any sense. But, let’s not make this about me: it was such a lovely wedding, and I reconnected with so many lovely people and had such a wonderful time and I’m just so grateful that I was part of it. That’s another thing in life right now, just not questioning or like pressing, and just being in life, and letting it kind of come to you and flow through you—like lightning in Avatar the Last Airbender (that’s really good)—and so it was just a wonderful experience. But then also, in the words of Mike Tomlin: “we’re gonna wear out our hand patting our back” so can’t let all the good distract from the continued and inexorable pursuit of better.
Checkers Not Chess
Last thing, which isn’t really even a thought: but I want to find the right time to incorporate some type of like “I’m playing checkers not chess” joke into my life where it really kind of lands. The technical root of the joke is the perversion of such a well-defined phrase, but in a way that maybe makes sense. Like a joke kind of in the vein of “we make the simple complex” (s/o Tomlin) or like “I’m going to keep fucking hopping square-by-square while you spend time worrying about all 8 pieces” (or something like that). Still a lot of work to do on the periphery of the punchline and really as part of like the entire substance of the joke—but there’s definitely the beginnings of a knee-slapper somewhere in there—or maybe a chin-scratcher if I’m feeling more like philosophical about it. Only time will tell!
Concluding Remarks
That’s all from me! Spending some time with family now, which is great! Have a wonderful week you beautiful people! Let your truest shelf shine!
With infinite zest for life,
Luke